The Arrival of Party Crew

I did it. I went out and had fun. It eventually happened! I guess God or whoever above finally answered to my prayer and send me a party crew. Last Saturday, my office held a bowling tornament and allowed employees to bring friends or family member along. So, I decided to invite two French girls, Emilie and Charlotte to come with me. I met them randomly a while back in a networking event. Please don't ask me why I don't put more effort in getting along with my Thai friends or co-workers. Been there, done that, got tired of it. This is not to say that I shun my own people. This only means I accept the fact that I somehow don't fit in, and it would be better to be myself and get along where there is mutual interest without loosing sight of who I am. I do have several very good friends who are Thai. It just so happens that they either live far from Bangkok or live abroad. My close friends are just like me; they crave adventure. I'm happy for them, but it kinda sucks when you only get to communicate with them via phone, Skype, FB or e-mail. Hey, when I spent my time abroad they probably thought the same thing, so it's theirs turn now. I'll just have to deal with it.

Anyway, back to the bowling tournament. If I want to brag about something, it is definitely not about how good I am at sport. However, if I really want to brag about something sport related, I could say I take pride in sucking sport...haha...The rule of the tournament was simple. Each team had three members, played theree games, and the team with the highest score won. E and C were pretty good eventhough they told me they hadn't play bowling for a long time. I, on the other hand, really sucked so badly. I managed to make one stikes among a dozen gutter balls, but that was it. E and C were so supportive the whole time that I felt bad. After we finished the game, my total score was only 88, while E got 218 and C got 243. My team got the lowest team score due to my...er...inability to play well. I was secretly embarrassed but tried to laughed it off. I mean the whole point of this tournament was for everyone to have fun, so I should have fun too. Besides, E and C kept reassuring me not to think too much about it. Well, I still wished I played better than this though.

I guess God might have pitied me because it turned out that my office prepared three cute stuff animals as a surpise for the team that had the lowest score. That was surprising indeed. Each of us got a cute doll. E got a horse, C hot a dog, and I got a teddy bear. That was quite lucky, wasn't it?

After bowling, E and C needed to do some shopping for their halloween costumes, so I volunteered to accompany them. We went to Siam Paragon, shopping and chatting. To me, E and C seem like very cool girls, and their French accent is so charming (hey, I can't help it!)

Last Saturday was probaly the most action-filled day I have ever had in a long while. Once we were done shopping, they said they didn't have any particular plan in the evening, and E suggested that we went to a karaoke. Of course, I didn't turn down. A fun opportunity like this didn't happen to me very often. So, we agreed to meet up again at 9 pm. E and C would bring another friend along to add to the troop.

What happened after that seemed to blend together as the night went by. We sang, we danced, and we drank. We sponteneously ended up in a new night club that was just open not too long ago (according to E and C). I realized that these expats know the night life of Bangkok way better than I do. I hope I can form a solid friendship with E and C. It's gonna be tons of fun weekends from now on.

    

Craving for Party

I miss partying. I must say that at this point I crave for party like an alcoholic craves for a glass of whisky. I'm not a party addict, but It's been 6 months since the last time I went out and had fun. And that time wasn't even as fun as I had hoped because I went out with my sister. So, I had to hold myself back a bit. As an older sister, I feel the need to maintain a certain image, you know.

It would have broken my mom's heart if she had known that I partied almost every week when I was expected to be studying hard to obtain my master in England. My dad would have locked me up in my room if he had seen what I was like when I was in a club. To be honest, I feel kinda guilty every time I hit the town because I know my parents don't really approve of it. They raised me well enough to be a dutiful daughter and have some sense of responsibility. In Thai culture, a good girl is supposed to be graceful, meek, proper, and soft spoken. She doesn't drink, nor smoke. She goes home at sunset and remains there until sunrise. An ideal good Thai girl won't be caught dead in a bar with Jager Bomb in her hand. Nope, that will never happen. On weekends, if she lives not too far from her parents, she visits them every weekend to spend some family time together. If she doesn't, she will try to visit them as often as she can anyway.     

As for me, you know what I'll say, right? That's right. I'm pretty much 180 to the girl mentioned above. The only thing we have in common is that the ideal girl and I don't smoke. I love party, or I love to be among people I feel comfortable with at least. I love dancing to club music and the tipsy feeling alcohol gives me. Of course, it's a bonus if I have a good-looking guy as my dance partner, but I don't really care to hook up in a club anyway. I'd rather dance my night away and have a great time with a bunch of friends. So, forget about the meek and proper Jane. I can never hold that image for more than two hours. I'm loud, clumsy, and cheerful. Nothing gets me going like a good beat with good friends and alcohol.

However, since I came back from England, I haven't had much luck with party. Surprising, huh? I'm sure you want to know why. How can I not find a fun party when I live in Bangkok where nightlife is ever animated Mon-Sun? Well, finding a party or a fun event is not a problem. The problem is finding the party group which I feel comfortable partying with. After spending time abroad in a few countries, I notice that Thai people in a party are quite, hmm...how should I put it?..., stiff and awkward comparing to Western people. I don't know where exactly to put my finger on. I just feel it. It's in the way they all act in a club or bar scene. It's in the way they dance. Most of them seem to party halfheartedly. I don't like that. I want to go all out. It's all or nothing. Okay, there are people who like to be mellow. I get that. I like to do that sometimes but not most of the time.

The worst part is they make feel awkward and out of place. In my younger years, I went out with my Thai folks from time to time. To be honest, I never felt comfortable around them. I had a feeling that I would be judged from everything I did. The most vivid memory was when I was in USA for a 3-month job during my school vacation along with several Thai students. There was a casual party among employees, and almost everyone was there. I was there, doing my own thing, dancing, and being friendly to people. I didn't realize until a couple weeks later that I brought myself a bad name among Thais working at that place. Apparently, they took my way of dancing and being friendly to people other than Thais as being flirtatious and seeking attention. Well, that description was too polite. According to my good friend who happened to join the Work program with me, they branded me something close to a slut. It got worse when I had a few guys there showing interest in me and I in them. That was when I was known among them as a slut. Oh well, what can I say? I'm attracted to Caucasian males, and I got carried away by all the attention they gave me. Yeah, I was very naive back then. To make a long story short, I always feel like an outsider in my own surrounding, but I feel that I can act more like myself when I'm with foreigners.

This is why it's quite difficult for me to party in Bangkok. The expats here usually group together. That gives out the mix feeling to me also. I feel more comfortable around them, but at the same time,I know I don't really belong. I guess I just haven't found the group that makes me feel accepted yet. Maybe I need to put more effort in seeking. You'll never know. I might get lucky soon.



 

First Rant of the Month

Call me mean, call me vain, call me bitchy, call me picky, or call me whatever you want, but I've had enough of being approached by old Western men. Gosh...I don't want to generalize, but it's getting harder and harder not to look at them with something negative in my mind.

The thing is I just went to a social gathering at some hotel on Sukhumvit the other day. It was like a business/social event for expats and (some) locals to meet and exchange contacts. You know, networking stuff. I've been to these events several times out of boredom, in hope to meet decent people outside the working atmosphere. Bangkok is a huge city which sometimes get so huge that it makes me feel lonely, so I need to go out and have interaction with somebody.

In the past, whenever I was approached by unwanted men, I had Dave, Mark, or some other friends to shield me out. In the worst case scenario, I just excused myself to the ladies' room and sneaked out of their sights. Well, those days are gone. Due to unforeseen reasons, I no longer hang out with that group of friends (including Dave and Mark sadly, but for the best). After I came back from abroad last year, I'm back in the city with only few friends left in Bangkok. This leads me having to force myself to go out and try to expand my social network. I'm left to fend on my own and the worst case scenario has changed to which I reluctantly give away my number and hope that they will never call. Well, some of them did call though (thank God that there are very very few.). When this happened, I just told them that I was too busy to meet them. They took the hint and disappeared. However, after having to undergo the worst case scenario several times, I' m getting fed up. I always go out of my way to let someone, even a stranger, down gently. I don't want to do that anymore.

Now, back to the networking on Sukhumvit, I was there and went straight to the bar for a glass of drink, so I wouldn't look awkward. an old white guy, short, probably in his late 50's, appeared next to me from nowhere and chatted me up. He asked me if I was Thai and other general questions and told me about himself. I just conversed with him and was just being friendly and all, until he asked me that damn question.

Him: So, are you married?
Me: No. (fuck! I just know what this about to lead to.)
Him: Boyfriend?
Me: No, I don't have a boyfriend.
Him: Ahh, you see, when I see a beautiful and talented girl like you still single, I always wonder what could have happened. Is your standard too high? You know, he's not handsome enough, not tall enough, or not rich enough, that kind of stuff. You may be very picky. I just don't know.

At this point, the scenario of all the past advances from all the unwanted guys popped up in my head. It was just so obvious what he wanted from me. I could just feel it. Then I thought to myself, 'Do I really have to deal with this uneasy situation again?'

Me: (it's actually none of your fucking business, but okay, I'll give you benefit of doubts) Hahaha...well, you could say that I'm very picky. I do believe that I have the rights to choose what is best for me. Like you say that I'm beautiful and talented, I think I should look for someone suitable for me. (Yeah, I sound very vain and arrogant. How do you like me now? Huh?)
Him: Yes, that's true. Er...so...do you have a business card?
Me: No, I don't, unfortunately. (well, gladly)
Him: Well, what about phone number? A way I could contact you?
Me: Err...may I ask what purpose you want it for?
Him: Well, maybe we could meet for lunch or dinner.
Me: (You know what? I've had enough. I'm not going to let myself go through this crap anymore.) No, I don't want to. I'm really sorry to be frank.

And I gave him a bright apologetic smile that had a hint of fucking-leave-me-alone-already message. He would have to be a hardcore pushover if he tried to talk to me after that. He nodded his head and walked away. I watched as he disappeared in the crowd at the other side of the room. I felt a bit guilty. I felt sorry for him. It wasn't very nice of me to turn him down like that. I know he was just lonely and wanted to have someone to keep him company. But, please, he is as old as my freaking dad, if not older. There are girls out there that are into much much older guys, but definitely not me.

Really, these men disgust me. They have been living their life, doing whatever the heck they want to do, and enjoying being bachelors for years. Now, when they are all frail and full of wrinkles, they realize that they are all alone with money to spend but no one to care for them. So, they hope to use their status as a wealthy white men in a third world country to attract women. It also can't be just any woman. What they want is young lovers half of their age who can boost up their falling ego. I know I shouldn't judge them as one has the rights to choose how to live one's life. I can't help it though. It annoys me to see a white man walking with a Thai woman as young as his daughter. They both disgust me -- the old man for being a sleazy old geezer and the woman for being a money hungry bitch. Let's face it. Although cross-generation marriage that happens out of mutual love and understanding does exit from time to time, I'm pretty sure that 80-90 percent of them is not the case.

Gosh...look at what I just wrote. I'm not actually turning a bit bad (as in a bad person) without realizing it, am I?