While the World Cup was still going on a a few weeks ago, my friend forwarded a funny e-mail about "Rules for Women During World Cup". It goes:
★ Rules For Women During The World Cup!★
1) If i catch you saying Cristiano Ronaldo is hot, you will automaticaly get a smack on the chin.
2) During the World Cup the television is mine. At all times without any exceptions. Eastenders, Hollyoaks and Corrie can all get to Fuck. Go keep the bed warm for me.
3) I will most likely have a coupon or a bet on. So if you see me upset because one of my teams is losing, Don't dare say:
It's only a game
Get over it
They will win next time.
This will only result in a break up or a divorce.
4) Most importantly, making love is out of the question during the entire month. Except from in between matches. If i fall asleep and miss a match.. this will lead to again a divorce or a break up.
5) The replays of the goals are very important. I don't care if I have seen them already. I want to see them again.
6) Make sure you are taking note.
7) Tell your friends NOT to have any parties or gatherings that will require my attendance.
a) I will cuss at you.
b) You will sleep on the sofa.
c) I just will not go
8) However, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Saturday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.
9) The World Cup is not a cheesy excuse for us to spend time together. You are welcome to watch one game with me, only one game and you must keep silent during it. except from half time and during commercials
10) Men are immune to the words "Thank god the world cup is only every 4 years"
After The World Cup comes the:
Champions league
Euro 2012 qualifying
and all the domestic leagues.
11) During The World Cup you can have the remote between 12am and 6am.
12) The Referee is always a wanker.
13) If you here me scream your name be ready to:
Grab me a drink.
Grab me a snack.
Get me new batteries for the remote.
You will not be needed for anything else.
14) During the game I will not be able to hear or see you.
Your job is to make sure there is some beer in the fridge.
15) Another Rule is to look at the girl in the picture. Try to be more like her. (attached a picture of a sexy woman)
16) Don't ask what the offside rule is. This will result in anther smack on the chin and also another for not being in the room keeping the bed warm.
Now, this is what Plain Jane has to say to whoever made up the rules:
★What Men Should Realize During World Cup★
1. I don't care much about a game where 22 men playing with a ball, but Damn! Cristiano Ronaldo is HOT! If you dare smack me. I'll smack you back with a remote.
2. The television isn't Yours. The game isn't on the whole day. Have some consideration.
3. Even if you have a coupon or a bet on, I'll still say:
"Get over it"
"They'll win next time"
It's not my fault that your team lose, and I pity you for losing money in such a silly way. If you want to break up, fine! My life is better off without a man who's into gambling anyway.
4. Making love is not out of the question. You are just incapable of multi-tasking unlike women. But don't worry, I have secret lovers to satisfy my need ;)
5. I don't give a damn about the replays. Wait...was that Ronaldo? Damn! He's HOT!
6. Make sure you take note. Sorry, I forgot you suck at multi-tasking. Just keep reading then.
7. I don't recall that any of my friend ever had any party or gathering that required your attendance. If it happens, I'll make sure to take someone else.
8. If your friends invite us, feel free to go alone. I'd rather do my own thing than hanging around football freaks.
9. The World Cup is not a cheesy excuse for us to spend time together. Agree! I don't want to spend time with a boyfriend who get jealous when I say Cristiano Ronaldo is hot anyway.
10. "Thank GOD the World Cup is on every 4 years" A little less madness I have to deal with.
11. .....Seriously, you sound like a dictator.
12. I don't care to know who's a wanker. However, you are becoming one.
13. If you scream my name and I don't respond, please realize that:
I'm not your slave
I'm not there to answer you
You're a jerk.
14. I won't get your beers from the store, so make sure you stock them in advance. Remember: I'M NOT YOUR SLAVE
15. If I look more like a girl in that picture, why would I even waste my time with you? However, I would try if you try to be more like this guy. (attached a picture of Critiano Ronaldo in nothing but boxers)
16. Really, if you don't even have the patience to explain the simple rule such as offside and treathen to smack me if I ask, you are just a low-life douchbag who doesn't know how to treat women. Please pack your belongings and get out of my life right now. I don't need you to make my life worse.
Yep, I shared this with some other people, and we had a good laugh. My friend who gave me the male article even shared it with her British boyfriend, and he found it amusing. Hey, thanks. I do have some good wit and humor from time to time ^-^
