New Beginning (Again??)

Okay, it's been 4 years since I stated this blog, and there's not much in it. The last entry with any substance at all was dated back some time in July 2010. Three years! Three freaking years passed without any drastic change I had hoped for. I'm still stuck in Thailand doing a boring office job day in and day out. Okay, working in one of the biggest international bodies is a great opportunity that doesn't happen to everyone, but there's something missing. I'm not sure exactly what it is, and, damn, I'm dying to find out. The thing is I don't know where to begin. If this blog is a novel, it is definitely one of those typical drama-comedy stories that the leading character is a confused and annoying girl wanting to find a purpose in her life or making her dream come true, or some sort. Usually, stories in this genre end happily, right? Well, I still can't see what kind of my ending would be. Realistically speaking, it only ends when you die. Kinda depressing, isn't it?

But I don't want to be depressed. Being depressed is not healthy. Being depressed is so not cool. So, I need to get rid of this restless feeling somehow. After doing some soul searching and stuff, I came up with a hypothesis. The sources of my restlessness and frustration are probably the lack of excitement and my inability to turn my life the way I want it to be. I realize that my heart craves some kind of adventures and new experiences, and there is a part of me wants to go crazy and breaks free. And I guess that part of me is the bad part. I mean there are so many things I want to bitch it out or do something harsh to it. For example, I really hate it when I go to a club and some random guys try to get my number. Seriously, hooking up in a bar or a club is just not my thing. I go there for the sake of being among people. However, I never have the guts to tell them to get the fuck out of my face. I always end up giving out my number unwilling and hope that they never call. Fortunately, most of them don't, but when some of them do, I always have to come up an excuse to avoid talking or meeting them. What a nuisance!

I guess this is it. I'll have to come up with a way to spice up my life a bit, and I'll need some where I can rant and say bad things about people that I can't say it out loud in my daily life. I don't think I can be bad or will ever be. I'm just a wannabe. That's probably the fun of it.